My burden of love and heartbreak

I remember the first time I ever saw holly. I was stocking shelves and she was shopping with her son, I noticed her right away wearing the things she loves tank top and black pants. She was angel and so beautiful. I asked my friend Natalie whom I worked with and found out that she worked at my store. We started off flirting and I found almost any opportunity to be close to her and she flirted back and soon we were texting. We clicked in every way. We had the same sense of humor, taste in music, shows, movies, we loved the same holidays. And my heart was quickly filling up with her. But then I did the most unforgettable and hurtful thing possible. This woman whom I loved, I had cheated on her with the woman I was with. Seeing the hurt I inflicted upon holly really hit me hard. I was disgusted and despised who I was. As someone who had been previously cheated on by an ex I should of known the pain it caused. But I didn’t recognize what I had become.  That was relationship was end...

I have only ever been in love once and it is with you You are/were completely in love with me I love Paxton as if he were my own You’re the only woman I’ve chose to marry because I was in love and not because I had to do the right thing.  You’re stunningly beautiful Your personality makes me smile everyday I’m addicted to your laughter We have the same sense of humor I’m lost in your smile Your eyes are pools of radiance that I could lose myself in forever You’re more thoughtful and caring then anyone I’ve known You’re simply amazing and exquisite and I wouldn’t change a thing about you You’re an amazing mother I wanna do things with you and pax and nick I love the faces we make  I love your body and giving you belly kisses never shaming you I love to kiss you as much as possible I always want to hold your hand I love placing my hand on the side of your face We have everything in common I love cuddling and giving you back scratches. I never grow tired of i...

It was just over four years ago, that I received a gift... The gift of a life, a woman so precious and beautiful in every way possible that even today, when I simply see her, my heart does a back-flip and I wonder what I ever did to deserve all she has brought into my life, and into my son’s lives, and to all who surround us... What more could a man be given? My love for her grows every moment as every day her radiance as a girlfriend and mother, dwarfs what she has been before. I’ve said it a thousand times and I’ll say it again: I’m the luckiest guy ever. I love you, Holly

I know you’re not looking for me to change your mind or to keep trying. I just thought what was said left an impression and some perspective.  Amanda is right about everything. My family and my friends all believe in us. And while she supports me and Katie also does as well. She can see the same things you do. I need to quit focusing on the wrong things and focus on communicating and not trying to solve all the big problems. Just to be happy and in the moment with you. I have never heard Amanda say that she sees me making a life with anyone and yet she pictures it with you. It made me think about how right you and her are about the same things. I spent so much time thinking about all the little things I could have done to make you feel better. I thought today about how all the times we’ve been just driving around holding hands I could have easily just kissed your hand a thousand times and told you I love you baby. But never did because I was always trying to make things happen...

You two are the only family I ever really confide in. So I don’t know if I need to vent or need a sounding board or just support. I’m trying so hard to accomplish something great. But it put a strain on holly and I. My stress from the job and trying to get this house and possibly working two jobs. I was less attentive to her than I should have been. We still were together and still had the best moments of my life. But I think my annoyance of where I was in life has transferred over to her thinking I’m annoyed and her. Which definitely is not true. I’ve never found a person who has completed me so much than her. I’ve never been as in love with someone as her and wanting to be married to someone as much as I do her.  I never wanted to marry Bonnie, I never wanted to marry Anna, fooled myself into thinking I needed to marry Annissa. Holly is the only one I’ve ever wanted to marry that wasn’t because we already had kids together. Holly has been my rock and my support system and I ...